Sunday, November 29, 2009

Moving On - The Scar Shall Remain

I think the hardest part in life is "letting go"! Whether its about letting go of something or someone - it's always the hardest part. I've had my share of letting go - some not by choice and some because it was the right thing to do. Funny part of letting go when it's the right thing to do is that, at least at that point, people were not completely hurt because reality kicks in and you know that to hurt now is better than to hurt deeper later.
The hardest part comes when the hurt is thrown at you at a level where breathing becomes difficult. See, in my entire life, I've lived a life where the line between a dream and reality was very clearly defined. I've always played by the rules and never did live life on the edge. Every choice that I made were safe and well calculated. I guess for me it was more security than anything else. Knowing exactly what tomorrow has in store keeps me secured. That's just me. Even when it came to love, I have been safe because I know my threshold of emotional torture. But somehow I keep getting into emotional mess. It's as though life has a radar on me to constantly mess me up when I least expect it.
I was judged too quickly! Rather, I was judged so quickly that Flash Gordan seemed slow. I thought that I've had the worse hurt in my life when I got cheated on before but this tops the chart. I was given the whole dialogue of how this isn't my fault and that I deserve better and that I should go out there and find that person that deserves me. I mean - who says these things anymore?
Gut feeling - that is another element - I know people say go with your gut feeling and you will never go wrong. Haha!! What about when it failed you twice and still you listen to it?? Stupidity or ignorance? Leave it up to you to decide.
Maybe my friends were right - there is someone else in the picture. Someone better, more successful and better looking - after all, I'm just a regular Joe - been one all along right. At least have the courage to stand up to it.
The scar shall remain. I got the closure I needed. "I know for a fact that our paths will never cross again" - clear enough for even a fool to understand. I mean, how can someone say that "We compliment each other, make a good partnership, never really did fight or argue" and yet still say that they don't have a connection? Again, what planet is this happening on? It's definitely not earth coz I would like to think that we on earth have a heart and brain to compliment what the heart says.
I don't know how else to make someone understand that self-made sacrifices are not something that you were forced to do - which part of "self-made" wasn't clear.
I don't know how to make someone understand that the past is something you cherish and take it as a life lesson to only make the future better.
I don't know how to make someone understand that the past is the past and that there is a reason why people from your past don't make it to your future.
I've given up trying to make people understand. At this point, all I feel is that I haven't lost much. Really, think about it - you really can't loose something that you never really did have to start with right! It's their loss!
Your life could have been different! Your life could have been better! You would have finally had something honest in your life! Something true! Something magical! Something faithful! SOMETHING THAT DOESN"T CHEAT ON YOUR THROUGHOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!!
I guess having something meaningful in your life isn't something you need. I guess some people prefer to be in a relationship where lying, cheating and deception is part of their life. Their choice but that's not how I operate.
I actually feel sorry for them. I hope they wake up for their sake and not be selfish and think about the people around them and how much hurt they bring to them.
You know what they say about people who don't appreciate a good thing in life - that they will end up in something that they think is perfect for them but only to find out that depression and getting emotionally hurt is part of their life now and there is nothing they can do about it. I seriously hope that you wake up!
Good Luck - Good Night!

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