Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Pull The Brakes

It was a regular day yesterday - it certainly was. Started at 8am and ended unexpectedly at 6pm. Not that it was intentionally done but it just happened. The phrase - "When It Rain It Pours" - fitted me so well yesterday. The well prepared presentation went absolutely the opposite direction, the well planned visits become a complete disaster, the well paved path to success suddenly become a rally course with road-blocks and to top it all, when I turned for comfort, it was a hard fall as there was no one to catch.
What takes the top spot it loneliness right now. It's true what people say about the world and life - you never know what you got until you loose it. You never know how good you had it until you dont anymore.
I think it's time to quit - drop it all, take a hike, long walk down a short alley, away from life, in full denial and just get lost anywhere. Is this all worth the effort?
The pain in my feet is back and it's killing me but not as bad as my other friend-darkness. The piercing pain in the chest has now been recently promoted from an acquaintance to possibly my best friend. The professionals told me that it's worrying and that it's all in my head. Is it stress related or lifestyle related - I doubt it's neither. Nothing much to stress about at work. Lifestyle isn't all that exciting anymore since I've decided space myself away from a high octane lifestyle. Whatever the reason may be, it's on the radar that's headed for destruction.
I've yet got another best friend and this one's gonna stick around for awhile - pills pills and more pills.
Could it be all in my head. I start wondering as I lie alone on my couch thinking what I've become. Again, the professionals have me on high dosage's of everything. Work is out of the question for some time now. Socializing is not something I fancy right now. Those who were close to me - were close to me. Those who never did care - never did care. Those who want to be there - I don't want that.
Suddenly, I've found a best friend - meet Mr.Loneliness. They say best friends don't mask reality. They hurt you, be honest with you, tell you how it is and they certainly don't give a craps ass on short term relief. I think he'll stick around for awhile. Not that I want him to, but it's not by choice.
The piercings get worse. At times, I just rather the professionals stick a needle in me and make the pain go away but for now, this pain isn't all that bad considering my recent rendezvous with depression.
I guess I'll stick around for a bit more. It's human to hope, human to dream and it's human to hurt. I'm just human.

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