Monday, March 8, 2010

Seven Pounds - Seven Hearts

I'm very critical when it comes to movies. I'm not a huge movie buff but when I do watch one, I want to make sure that it's worth the time and effort.
I just finished watching Will Smith's Seven Pounds.
I'm not afraid to admit it - it made me tear and very close to crying. It's amazing how one can be truly sincere in life.
In this movie, Ben played by Will Smith has a dark past that destroyed his life and has caused him to live a life of guilt. With no other option to redeem himself, he sets out to help those who are in need - truly in need of life.
I must say that, someone who gives his heart up so that someone else who is on a count down to death due to heart failure, someone who gives up his eyes so that a blind man can appreciate the colors of life and giving up his liver to the dying- I can't think of anyone in my life that would do that. Heck! Even I will think twice before doing it.
The show really moved me emotionally. I realized that life is precious but giving life to someone, is truly a gift and a blessing. This movie kept my heart at the edge of the cliff and it skipped a beat just watching the selfless act of Ben.
Would I give up my heart like he did? Probably not to a stranger but for my family- without a doubt.
Love all and forgive all because life is too short to hate. Besides, we are all on borrowed time on earth so why waste it.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Don't Turn Back

I've always wondered if time is really the essence to life's problems? When they say that time will heal, how long do they really mean? Is it a day? 2 days? A month? A year? Or 10 years? Or perhaps never??!!
I guess that in some matters, time is the essence but those are just some. What about matters that really pierce emotions? Matters that puts your heart to a massive test? Matters that test your endurance of pain and suffering? Rather dramatic I've become.
I guess what I'm getting at is, if time does heal, then do you think that perhaps:
1) What happened in the past is something that we can now smile about as life's experience and not be sour about it?
2) Reconsider the decisions that we've made and re-decide?
3) Truly give what seems so right another chance despite havin failed once? Besides, life is all about risks right so if one person is willing to take the leap, what's the harm right?
It's been a couple of months and what seemed possible to do then, now, after giving it time, doesnt feel right. If two people are for what ever reason insecure, then wouldn't it be nice for them to battle insecurity together? To make wrong right? To build a home and not just a temporary structure to sooth the moment? To be able to fall back with confidence that the other will catch?
I miss those. I really do. I've seen past it all. Life is short - really short. It doesn't matter who was wrong and who was right. What really matters is that - what could and should have been right, is just hopes and dreams at this point. Is there hope inside me? Always! It's hard to give up on something when you feel so strongly about it.
Reality might strike and make it happen or I could just spend the rest of my life hoping, but that's just being human isn't it?
This country is truly home. It was home when I was a child. It was home when I was a teenager. It was home when I was a young adult. It was home when I was abroad studying. It was home when I was abroad working. It was home because it was where my family was! But, the question remains- will this be home for me now that it's time to build a family of my own? Will it give me the same warm feeling as it did or will it be a place where I would feel more pain than ease? A good thought to have - and in fact, when pain over-rules happiness, do I really wanna live here?
We'll see! Right now, I just want you to know that, although it's only 1% of hope, but it's still hope.
Make it or you break it!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Another Shot Perhaps?

Do you think that another shot can be given to us?

Pain Pain Pain

The day that I thought would scar my entire life, came and went and it definitely left a scar on me. I went for my surgery last week and it was not an experience that I would recommend anyone. Prevention is definitely better than cure anytime and any day.

So, about a month or so back, I began to get this lump on the right side of my neck every time I eat. I ignored it at first but it begun to hurt and it was getting worse. So after several medical tests, it was confirmed that I had a stone in my sub-mandibular duct. So surgery was planned.

Last Wednesday was my surgery and I was shit scared. Anything can happen during surgery no matter how good the doctor’s are especially when I’m going under General Anesthetics. Given my health complications, it’s a lot more hard and everyone needed to be more cautious on what is done to me. I also found out on that very morning, that I now have 2 stones that needs to be removed – one is 5mm in size and is deep inside closer to my saliva gland while the other is smaller and is closer to the mouth region. The doctor said that since he is putting me under G.A., that he will remove both so that it won’t be a problem later on.

I couldn’t eat that entire morning while I was being prepped for surgery. At 12 noon, the nurse comes into my room and gives me a robe to change into and after that she gave me a shot to relax my muscles. Then I was carted to the Operation Theatre.

I was beginning to get a little drowsy at this point but still conscious to feel pain. Once I was in the operating room, the anesthetic greeted me and this was when I got frightened coz it was a young Malay fellow. I asked him what happened to the other Chinese anesthetic and as I said that, Dr. Lee walked in and ensured me that everything is fine. They inserted the line into the vein on my left hand and then hell begun. They injected something that made me scream and tears started rolling out from my eyes. I vaguely remember yelling at that young fellow saying that something like “What the f%#k dude!!! Get someone who knows what they are doing!!” Then Dr. Lee took over and I was out after that.

When I came to, all I remember was that there were voices in my room but I couldn’t open my eyes due to all the drugs I was being fed. Mom told me that the surgery took 3 hours and I came out of the drugs around 8pm. It was nice to open my eyes to some guests in my room. I was in the hospital for 2 days for observation. My neck hurts but the pain killers were there to help minimize the pain.

Now, am at my brother’s place resting and recovering. The bandage around my neck is still there and the doctor said that he will remove it one week after my discharge date which is this coming Thursday. It’s hard to sleep coz it hurts real badly. I can’t move my neck much coz its sore in all places. I have to sleep straight facing up all night and can’t move much. Eating is troublesome coz it hurts when I chew. Every time I swallow, it hurts. Every time I cough it hurts. Every time I laugh it hurts. Every time I sneeze it hurts. Pretty much everything that I do, it hurts. According to my parents, because the surgery included cutting of some nerves and veins, healing will take some time.

It ain’t fun being in this position really. Life becomes so tough. I can’t go to work. I’m gonna have a scar on my neck. And it’s gonna take about a month or so for me to fully recover and heal and lead a normal life again. I must drink at least 10 glasses of water every day. I must control my alcohol intake because it is one of the causes of stone formation in the saliva gland.

And because I live alone and have no one at home to look after me, I’m staying with my brother and his family. The doctor said that I can’t do any hard work during my recovery so my brother and his wife and their maid pretty much handle everything for me and all I do is sit and watch movies all day.