Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Daily Profession Jokes

I've taken a pledge that I will provide whoever that reads my blog, a little bit of humor on a daily basis. Most blogs talk about the bloggers life, what they did and what they feel - which I shall continue coz at times I can be quite vain but in addition, I will also list out some jokes to brighten everyone's day and life.
Starting this week, I'm going after "Accountants" coz they are just fun loving people who crunch numbers all year long and take their bonus and spend it within 1 night. So, here's a tribute to some good Accountant jokes. Enjoyzzzz!!!!

1. Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."

2. A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer.

3. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.""Have you tried counting sheep?""That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

4. Why accountants don't read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

5. Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.

6. A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

Pick-Up Lines to use on Accounting Chicks
- You've got a lovely pair of W-2's.
- Please, baby, let me withhold you.
- Nice assets.
- Lady, you make my pants file for an extension.
- In my office, I.R.S. stands for I'm Really Sexy.
- Let's fill out a 1040 - you are a 10 and I'm a 40.
- If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next?
- Technically, having sex with me is like a charitable gift.
- You're entitled to a $5,000 tax break on your municipal bond income... now let's do it.
- You're the kind of girl I could take home to mother - which is good, since I still live with her.

How accountants do it...
- Accountants do it by the book.
- Accountants do it within budget.
- Accountants do it to the bottom line.
- Accountants do it with double entries.
- Accountants do it between spreadsheets.
- Accountants are Certified to do it in Public.
- Accountants do it without losing their balance.

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