Friday, March 5, 2010

Don't Turn Back

I've always wondered if time is really the essence to life's problems? When they say that time will heal, how long do they really mean? Is it a day? 2 days? A month? A year? Or 10 years? Or perhaps never??!!
I guess that in some matters, time is the essence but those are just some. What about matters that really pierce emotions? Matters that puts your heart to a massive test? Matters that test your endurance of pain and suffering? Rather dramatic I've become.
I guess what I'm getting at is, if time does heal, then do you think that perhaps:
1) What happened in the past is something that we can now smile about as life's experience and not be sour about it?
2) Reconsider the decisions that we've made and re-decide?
3) Truly give what seems so right another chance despite havin failed once? Besides, life is all about risks right so if one person is willing to take the leap, what's the harm right?
It's been a couple of months and what seemed possible to do then, now, after giving it time, doesnt feel right. If two people are for what ever reason insecure, then wouldn't it be nice for them to battle insecurity together? To make wrong right? To build a home and not just a temporary structure to sooth the moment? To be able to fall back with confidence that the other will catch?
I miss those. I really do. I've seen past it all. Life is short - really short. It doesn't matter who was wrong and who was right. What really matters is that - what could and should have been right, is just hopes and dreams at this point. Is there hope inside me? Always! It's hard to give up on something when you feel so strongly about it.
Reality might strike and make it happen or I could just spend the rest of my life hoping, but that's just being human isn't it?
This country is truly home. It was home when I was a child. It was home when I was a teenager. It was home when I was a young adult. It was home when I was abroad studying. It was home when I was abroad working. It was home because it was where my family was! But, the question remains- will this be home for me now that it's time to build a family of my own? Will it give me the same warm feeling as it did or will it be a place where I would feel more pain than ease? A good thought to have - and in fact, when pain over-rules happiness, do I really wanna live here?
We'll see! Right now, I just want you to know that, although it's only 1% of hope, but it's still hope.
Make it or you break it!

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